This blog has lost its innocence, Katy Perry style.
Posted: September 27th, 2011 | Author: Stupeh | Filed under: I'm not going to lie, It's a parent | Tags: boobs, heavy drinking, I have really good ideas, porn, pussy, sobriety, you're dumb | No Comments »I have to tell you firstly that I haven’t written because I was really busy doing loser things like joining the gym, eating doughnuts, and going boot-shopping. I may have also played phone games and trolled Facebook for God knows what, and I’m really sincerely sorry because I realise that no one knew what to do without my gentle words of eternal wisdom.
Wellll….here I am.
I don’t know if you guys know this about me, but you’re about to find out that I strongly dislike Katy Perry and other similar creatures. This isn’t a case of the playa’ hatin but the result of being forced by everyone and my daughter to listen to popular songs. Due to circumstances beyond my control, my lovely and intelligent young daughter has developed a taste for top 40 hits. I understand that the popularity of anything at her age has a great influence on whether or not she will see the value in it. I also have a number of peers who are fans of pop music. It is not my job to correct the lack of taste in my peers, but as far as my child goes, it is a never-ending war, and I’m pleased to announce that my side won the battle against Katy Perry.
Well my first attempts during the auditory invasion that has been Miss Perry were just weak declarations of disgust. When ‘California Girls’ came on I would just tell her, “this song is awful.” Unfortunately, ten-year-old girls are not concerned with their mothers’ opinions on music. This is one of the reasons why I don’t understand the point of children. In fact, I think I’ll ask her what the point of her is when I pick her up from school today. Maybe she’ll make one of her confused ’what do you mean?’ faces, and I can answer my own question by being amused at her looks.
I’m kind of a shit-head. This is why I make a better personinpilatesclass than a writer.
So I finally broke Katy’s lyrics down to the child when the song ‘Last Friday night’ just became too much . You dug your own grave, Katy Perry, because every time the child plays this song I have a new opportunity to disgust her at what is actually happening in the lyrics. I’m like, “Hey guess what a menage a trois is! That is where three people have sex with each-other!”
At first she just pretended it didn’t affect her and that she had total loyalty to the song, but my full disclosure must have sunk in because a week after she found out that this song was mostly about getting drunk, my daughter told me she didn’t like Katy Perry anymore. Whoop.
- scare them off with naked stuff.
If you don’t know what they are, here are the lyrics of the song that I wanted my daughter to stop singing:
Some people may think that I’m being an uptight stickler about this, but this is a very upbeat anthem for binge-drinking and being an asshole. I don’t want children or people to ever think that anything that happens in this song is cool. Except for streaking. I actually am a fan of streaking.
I’m also really annoyed with myself while I’m writing this because I’m constantly raining on parades.
I also have to tell you guys something else that I’m struggling with. I started doing group excercize classes at the gym because I need to get big muscles and carry large objects long distances (by large objects, I mean my giant imaginary breasts). In these group classes, I think they expect you to ‘whoop.’ That’s when you yell ‘whoop’ loudly. I’m really having a hard time with it, and I feel like the instructors are annoyed that I don’t do it.
Bye.
